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  • John Newstead

Robin's dog blog - part 11

Updated: Apr 1, 2020

Diary of a lhasa apso from Norfolk.

Following the traumatic and distressing discovery that my nuts had gone missing following my last trip to the vets (see Robin’s dog blog part 10) I regret that they have not been found despite a long and arduous search. I have to say that despite the initial shock I’m not missing them too much. Love making with my special toy, Mrs Bunny, has taken on a more sedate pace, with her receiving a much less frenzied pummelling, and the whole experience is nowhere near as moist as before, which means that Mrs Bunny doesn’t end up in the washing machine quite as often these days.

I’ve been to a dog show today in North Walsham. It was sponsored by the local vets, and several of them were there, so I kept well away just in case any of them decided to snip any more of me off. Dad entered me into two categories; top dog and cutest puppy. Judging was carried out by a strange woman with chains round her neck who appeared to go by the name of Mrs Townmayor. I didn’t like her much. It was nothing personal against Mrs Townmayor – I wouldn’t have liked anyone in chains that lunged at me, and in any event I was more interested in doing some sniffing in the other direction, which is where a delicious smelling hog roast was located.

I failed to win either category, or indeed come second. Or third, fourth, fifth of sixth for that matter. I did make some new friends, though, and got myself a small slice of pulled pork, which was every bit as lovely as it sniffed.

To celebrate my new found non-cuteness we went to the pub. Anyone that’s seen Dad’s Instagram will have already spotted this photograph, with the caption ‘Robin’s first pint.’ This is a downright lie – it was his pint and I had absolutely none of it. Not even a sniff. I am not a dogaholic. No, I’m not. I’d have downed it in one given half a chance though.

Last night I forgot to have a wee before bedtime, so by this morning I was busting. A quick dash outside onto the patio and a yellow torrent was unleashed, running for quite a distance along the brick weave. I then proceeded with my usual morning inspection before returning for a spot of breakfast, and this is when I noticed some water on the ground. I tried some, and it was the end of my wee dribble. Yuk!

I’ve mentioned before that my cat brother Toby always gets his breakfast first, something I’ve been consistently unhappy about, and all because of Mum and Dad’s stupid book about how to introduce your new puppy to an existing pet. ‘Feed existing pet first’ Rubbish. However, this morning Toby didn’t turn up for breakfast at his usual time, so I had mine first. Yay! Half an hour later Toby arrived. Apparently there’d been some sort of cat altercation in the neighbour’s garden, but Toby looked fairly perky, so no doubt had enjoyed a rare victory. His breakfast was served which lead me to think that a secondary breakfast for me would be nice. However, despite some of my most energetic high-viz bouncing no secondary breakfast was forthcoming, so in future I’ll stick with the old arrangement and have mine after Toby.

One of the nice things about summer is that Dad often wears shorts, and this presents some excellent sneezing opportunities. Like this afternoon, when I sneaked up to him, sat down silently and unleashed a moist sneeze up his leg. But the best sneezes occur when I’ve partially eaten a slice of carrot. I find the resulting phlegm encased orange flecks most pleasing from a visual point of view, but Mum isn’t quite so enthusiastic.

I’ve been busted! One or two things have gone missing recently but until this afternoon no one suspected that I was to blame. I do like to run off with stuff I shouldn’t have, like bits of cardboard packaging and empty crisp packets, but the ultimate prize is the find of a delicious used sock. I’ve been caught a few times stealing socks from the pile of washing mum sometimes has on the landing when she’s sorting through the laundry, but my latest wheeze had gone unnoticed until today. I’ve been stealing socks from the washing machine when the door isn’t completely closed and then hiding them in the garden or under my bed. But now Mum’s caught me in the act I’ll have to think up a new cunning plan.

I do like the occasional apple. Just so you know, apples are very small cube shaped juicy things, and mum lets me have some if I’ve been a really good boy. So not all that often. This afternoon whilst rummaging around in the flower bed I found quite a heavy round green thing with a handy carrying stork on top. Dad said I couldn’t have it, so naturally I ran off. From a safe place under a garden seat I took a large nibble, and was pleasantly surprised to find the round thing was apple flavoured. Sadly Dad caught me at this point and confiscated my tasty find. I shall be looking for a replacement apple flavoured thing tomorrow.

Our kitchen’s been like The Great British Bakeoff this afternoon – Mum’s been cake baking, and I’ve been keeping watch just in case she dropped one of those delicious looking chocolate buttons. Sadly she didn’t. Mum decided to have a slice in the garden, which is when Toby got in on the act. If they say that two pets are better than one, it’s evidently untrue when negotiating pieces of cake.

Eventually we gave up and had a man-to-man chill on the patio.

I’ve found myself in an awful position today. We were walking in the woods and when we came to a fork in the path Dad said we’d do a test ‘to see who Robin loves best.’ Then Dad walked down one path and Mum the other, leaving me all alone at the intersection. I just sat there looking down one path at Mum and then the other at Dad. I couldn’t decide, I really couldn’t. It would be like choosing between Mrs Bunny or Mr Fox. Can’t possibly be done. So they both came back for me, and I really hope they never put me in that position again.

It hasn’t yet been officially announced so keep this to yourself. Renault have had a major falling out with one of their F1 drivers and I’ll be taking over next season. Here’s a shot from my secret test drive in Lowestoft today! Look out Lewis the new champion is coming to get you!

There’s been a great deal of talk recently about a baby. I don’t know what a baby is but apparently Beth and Tom are expecting one and everyone seems to be really excited about it. They mentioned something about delivery the other day, so I checked in the greenhouse, which is where we have stuff delivered, but nothing’s turned up, so I can only assume the baby hasn’t been ordered from Amazon Prime. Hopefully by the time I write my next blog I will have found out what this baby thing is all about.

Thanks for reading my dog blog. See you again soon.

Love, Robin

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