Diary of a lhasa also puppy
Saturday 4th March
Apparently some sort of cat-related breakthrough has occurred. My cat brother Toby sat on the
dining room sofa, and that’s it. Seriously, so what? I do that all the time. Turns out that until about a month ago the dining room sofa was one of Toby’s favourite places. Mum even made Dad buy that particular sofa because it matches the cat (honestly, that’s true!) But about a month ago Toby stopped sleeping on the sofa, preferring instead to sleep upstairs, where I’m not allowed to go. I arrived about four weeks ago, but I’m sure that’s of no relevance to the situation.
I have a new play thing – a rubber treat holder called a Kong, but it’s almost impossible to get the treat out of. Designed by some sort of sicko if you ask me. It’s almost as if this thing is meant to take my mind off biting other stuff and being pesky.
Sunday 5th March
It’s been an odd day.
To start with Mum and Dad decided to have toast for their breakfast. Dad put three slices under the grill, which was promising – one slice each – and then we did some ‘sit and stay’ training, but after a while Dad noticed smoke coming out of the cooker.
He’d forgotten about the toast! Dad put three more bits of bread under the grill, and that’s when I noticed Mum’s Kath Kidson tea towel had fallen on to the floor. By the time toast was served I’d got the label off.
Dad got the blame for both the burnt toast and tea towel incidents. Mum enjoyed her slice of toast and Dad his, along with my slice too, the fat git. I probably don’t like toast, but was unimpressed nonetheless, so I stole one of Mum’s slippers, knowing Dad would be held fully responsible. He really should know not to mess with me.
Mum and Dad then went off to the pet shop, returning a couple of hours later with a new dog bed (I’ve already grown out of my first one.) They also bought a new door mat for the kitchen and for me a play duck on a rope, which is fun. But it was the new dog harness that caused me some problems. Having had the thing wrapped around me I did my utmost to shed it by shaking furiously, but that didn’t work. Spinning in a tail-chase style was no good either so I tried some reversing. I was initially convinced this would work, so did loads of reversing, and then a bit more, but all to no avail. I then decided I probably looked super cool in my new harness so decided to have a run around the garden before rounding off the afternoon with a poo on Mum’s new door mat.
Monday 6th March
It’s been horrible today. I may have eaten something that disagreed with me while exploring in the garden, but whatever it was the result wasn’t good, unless you’re a fan of bubbly sick and exploding bottoms, in which case you’d have been well entertained. I’ll say no more about it.
Tuesday 7th March
Woke up early this morning feeling much better, but mostly absolutely starving.
Apparently my breed of dog is known for being a bit wary around strangers, and I can vouch for that. Today someone really important came round. A captain, but this person was a double captain, so I was really nervous. Captains have planes and wear hats, but I expect Captain Steve parked his plane around the corner because it wasn’t on the drive. Captain Steve is Mum and Dad’s bowls team captain and Dad’s billiards team captain, which probably explains why he had a beanie hat instead of a regular captain’s hat, but when he took his hat off he had a shiny head which I was a bit startled by. Must be all the stress of juggling the two sporting captaincies with all the usual flying about captain-stuff. I did eventually make friends with Captain Steve, but only after he put his hat back on.
Wednesday 8th March
The Amazon delivery man asked Mum if she was expecting a happy event when he called this morning, but the new stair gate was to restrict my climbing activities. The gate was duly installed after some words I haven’t heard Dad use before, and some scary drilling which I bravely observed from behind Mum’s leg. To say that I was unimpressed is an under statement. I couldn't see over the gate even with my tallest meer cat move, so I sneaked up to it and dropped out a steaming protest poo.
Thursday 9th March
Dad found his old computer joystick today and for some odd reason he thought it would be fun to make a prop from a light shade to re-enact a scene from Star Wars, with him playing Han Solo flying the Millennium Falcon. I’ve never seen the film so have no idea where I fitted in, but I should imagine I played the part of an amazingly good-looking super hero.
Friday 10th March
It pains me to mention my cat brother Toby again because this is a dog blog and nothing to do with other animals of an inferior type, with the exception from Mum and Dad. However, this morning Toby awoke in a rare state of playfulness and decided to steal my blue and white rope. MY ROPE! Not happy about this and I will have nothing more to say about cats from now on.
Interview with Toby
This is outrageous! Dad’s decided to add a special one-off feature to my blog. He’s only gone and interviewed my cat brother, Toby. This is MY Blog. Robin’s DOG blog. Cat and blog don’t even rhyme, so this will never happen again. Ever!
Dad: Hi, Toby, how’s it going?
Toby: How do you think?
Dad: Just wondering how life’s been for you this past month?
Toby: A month ago life was great. Chilling wherever the hell I liked and unrestricted access to all areas. But I did think that something was up with the new picket fence around the patio and the appearance of a cage in the dining room. Oh, and not forgetting the new basket I wasn’t allowed in. And then various toys appeared – squeaky things, a cuddly fox and that rather interesting blue and white rope.
Dad: And then what?
Toby: You and Mum turned up with that thing. I can’t even bring myself to mention its name.
Dad: You mean Robin?
Dad: Robin would really love to be best mates one day.
Dad: He’s trying his best to be friendly.
Toby: Seriously???? By perpetually trying to sniff my butt???? If that’s friendly I’ll continue to glare at him from high vantage points thanks very much. Oh, and through the glazed dining room door when it’s closed. That’s quite fun. But mostly I shall continue to relax on the first floor out of the little shit’s way.
ROBIN: Why has he got a bear in that photo? That should be my bear. I want that bear.
Toby: Excuse me, that’s my bear, and I’m being interviewed so shut it dog pants!
Robin: I’m having that bear.
Toby: In your dreams!
Dad: Perhaps we should end this interview now.
Robin: My bear.
Toby: F**k off.
Thank you for reading my dog blog – I hope you enjoyed it.
Catch up on all Robin's dog blogs starting at Part 1 here