Diary of a lhasa apso puppy
Sunday April 9th 2017
I’ve been to the woods for the first time and it was A-MA-ZING! There were sticks everywhere – big ones, small ones, fat ones and thin ones. Sticks in every direction and as far as the eye could see. There were even sticks growing on trees. In fact there were more sticks that you could throw a stick at. Choosing one to take home was almost too much for me, and Dad said the experience of watching me pick a stick was very similar to when Mum chooses a new dress in Marks and Spensers, only he didn’t have a chair to sit on with the other bored husbands.
My first choice was about twice the size of me and I couldn’t pick it up. The second choice was even bigger, the third was attached to a tree and my fourth choice was an actual tree that had blown down. I’m pretty sure Dad enjoyed the trip to the woods because he did his favourite joke (what’s brown and sticky? A stick!) Hilarious Dad – don’t give up your day job.
This afternoon I’ve invented three brand new games; Water Bite, Flannel Chase and Dangle Dog. The first of these occurred when Dad was watering some flowers, and I thought it might be fun to bite the jet of water coming out of the hose. It was great and by the time Mum noticed what was going on I was one seriously wet puppy.
Mum wasn’t impressed and instructed Dad to dry me off with my own personal flannel. This was when the game of Flannel Chase spontaneously came into existence, and it was amazing fun. The rules are simple – grab a flannel, run away, get chased, don’t get caught. Brilliant! However, Dad did eventually corner me and as soon as he grabbed the flannel and pulled it upwards Dangle Dog was invented.
There’s absolutely nothing my cat brother Toby can do that I can’t. Well, apart from climbing on high stuff like kitchen work tops and the garage roof, which is really annoying, particularly when he gives me that smug ‘you can’t get me’ look. This afternoon's garage rooftop perch may have had something to do with a broken blind in the kitchen, which was spotted shortly after he’d been seen doing some fly chasing. At least that’s one thing I definitely won’t get the blame for.
I’m mega excited because tomorrow is my four-month old birthday and I’m sure Mum and Dad have got surprises galore lined up. I’ll probably get loads of presents and have a huge party with all my mates – Bruno, Doug the Pug, and all the dogs I’ve met on my daily walks - Peggy the bulldog, Axel and Wilson, who I had a really extensive sniff of the other day. I might even let Toby come too.
Obviously four months isn’t a special birthday because nothing’s happened. No cards, presents. Nothing. None of my mates have turned up and I didn’t even see any of them on my walk. No birthday wishes on Facebook. Ok, so I’m not on Facebook, but that’s not the point.
I hate having a shower. This has not been a good day. I'm going to sleep now with my squeaky yellow sausage dog. That is all.
Dad’s gone nuts. Seriously, he went totally off on one while I was sitting on his lap this morning. Out of nowhere he started to make animal noises – a cat meowing and then a small dog bark, followed by panting noises and then a large dog bark before rounding off with a pig! What on earth that was all about I’ve no idea – he’s none of those animals so why not just stick to his normal human sounds? Most confusing. I stared intently but that didn’t help the situation. Even pricking my ears up and tilting my head slightly to the right didn’t make any sense of it. So I bit his thumb and he stopped. Sorted.
Daily walkies encounters are increasing my awareness of things out there in the big wide world. I love meeting other dogs, but today’s was the oddest dog I’ve ever seen. It was square! Honestly, a square dog was walking right behind us! It must have been quite old and not in the best of health because it had wheels, and it’s owner, an elderly lady in a red coat, just dragged the poor thing along behind her. I kept stopping and peering round to get a proper look, but Dad was keen to get going. Eventually he scooped me up, probably to protect me from the square dog, and that was that. So off we went for my first visit to the market place; a wide road in the middle of the town with lots of shops and people everywhere. Dad took me in to the office where he once worked to meet his former colleagues, and that’s where I met my new Auntie Nicola. She loved me! Everyone does, I know, but Nicola was all over me like a rash. Dad even let her look after me when he went to the shop to get cakes.
I've been doing a spot of tidying today, but it's a little difficult tidying your toy box while standing next to it, so I climbed in. Turns out that if you want to tidy up a box of stuff it's best not to have a puppy sitting in it. And if you're the puppy doing the tidying this creates a bit of a conundrum. Tidying, it seems, is not my forte. Messing stuff up is what I'm best at, so that's what I'll stick to from now on.
I have secured my place in history as one of the all-time great archidogologists having made a momentous discovery in Blickling Woods. Me, Mum and Dad had been enjoying a stroll amongst the bluebells when all of a sudden I made the discovery of a lifetime. A real-life Egyptian pyramid, right there in the middle of the wood. The people in the photos nipped in after me, but I discovered it first and I expect there’ll be a blue plaque on it soon saying ‘Real-life Egyptian pyramid in Blickling Woods discovered by a famous puppy called Robin.’
Thanks for reading Part 7 of my dog blog. If you've missed earlier blogs from when I was really little you can catch up by starting at Part 1, here.
See you again soon.